she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
