She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
