god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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