She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
