dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
