and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
