he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
