i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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