I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
