Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
