I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
