I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
