Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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