My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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