I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
