just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
