Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
