Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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