It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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