So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
