i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
