yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
