after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
