I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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