Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
