I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're like the curious george of whores
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
