:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
