I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
