All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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