The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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