It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
