p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
