Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and she was petting her beer can
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
