I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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