sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
