After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
