Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
