if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
