I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
