3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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