so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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