Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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