so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
