i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
