its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
