i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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