I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
