I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Enjoy the penises
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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