I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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