Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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