You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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