those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
