Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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