I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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