make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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