I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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