I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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