the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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