i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
