Just fell off a train. Bad.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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