so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
