if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
